After having massive success getting kicked in the balls by virtually every girl ever dated on Tinder, I decided to share this knowledge so you can go from the average Joe that never gets any action, to meeting about two girls a week for kicks and some more. If your lady friends are not DTK (Down To Kick) as much as you’d like to, then you need to read this article.
Helping PUN run their social media, you have no idea how many guys will message asking if I am DTK… basically, they use other wording like “I need you to kick me”, or my favorite “are you a girl or a guy?” Let’s trash the second one because it’s worthless. Would you ever message Wallmart asking if he is a girl or a guy? No, but the second question has more merit, not because it will ever work but because it shows a huge problem and the reason why you will never get a girl DTK. Look, it’s not that girls don’t like needy guys necessarily, but needy is a girl sexual repellant. Just for the purpose of getting the message across, think of a girl as a mosquito coming towards you and then flying away because she smelled your neediness, your girl repellant. Now women are by no means comparable to a mosquito, I think of them as equal and in some ways even superior to a man. I mean, we’re built different biologically but our pros and cons I think even out. But I think you get the idea best with the repellant picture. Remember, there is half of the population that is a female, why you would ask for anything from one girl or several hundred on your Instagram outbox is beyond me. Unless you like replies from sick dudes lying and pretending to be women. I’d say, save the asking for when you’re ready to ask a woman to marry you. Like I did.
Once you shower really well and get off that “neediness” repellent, it’s time to hit the dating app. I will reference Tinder because it was one of the most popular ones a couple of years ago. The internet evolves very quickly but this advice should still apply to all if not most dating apps available today.
The first step is to get women to actually talk to you. This is not an easy step, but it is totally doable. Like it’s not easy to get up from your sofa to make a sandwich, but if you’re starving out you will totally get up and make the best sandwich of your life. So, what’s the first thing they’re going to see before they even read your name? If you’re thinking your profile picture, you’re right on the ball (no pun intended). I’m sorry but the picture you took with your laptop camera you bought in 2011 is not going to cut it. It may be true that women are less visual than men when it comes to attraction, but they won’s swipe for you for the same reason you would not pay $20 to watch a movie that has the same picture as a movie cover. If you have a friend that has a nice DSLR or a decent camera or even a decent high priced phone, ask him to take a good photo of you around the city. But better than that is to hire photographer for as little as an hour. A good photographer is not just a human tripod that can walk, he should work with you and give you ideas and have you play with the scenery so the picture evokes some sort of positive emotions. Women tend to act much more emotionally than men. This isn’t either bad or good, but if you can project a certain emotion, then you have a foot in the door to finding women that will talk to you. The second step is your profile info. You should write something that makes you look interesting. It’s okay you don’t have Elon Musk’s resume, but most people have done something interesting in their lives. If nothing comes to mind, then talk about that kick ass sandwich you once made that got you off your sofa. Ideally, you should squeeze an innocent story that may spark their attention. This is because after you got a great positive-emotion photo checked on your list, stories will be the key to getting even non-DTK girls to be unable to wait to kick you.
This is where many guys will stop reading and think, yes! I’ll get a kick ass picture, photoshop my stomach and text as many women as possible how much I think they’re beautiful. Or tell them how much you NEED X,Y, and Z. WRONG! This is like buying a nice Mercedes Benz to pick up women with and crashing it out the door against a garbage truck. Yes, some garbage will fall on top of it too. But this is why guys like me have had so much success, because there’s a sea of guys doing this same exact thing.
Now that your picture has gotten a good number of matches or swipes it is time to message your potential lady friends. So, what will you say now that you can’t ask for anything or compliment them? Remember how I told you stories are key? Because they are and that’s what you will use! This reminds me being a teenager in Los Angeles, working at a small shop with big glass doors. Once the Santa Ana winds blew so hard that it broke the glass doors off the metal holders and being safety glass, it shattered into pieces. A couple of customers came in and ask me what had just happened and I explained that the wind had shattered the glass door. The customers nodded in agreement, and the interaction was fine. Nothing wrong with “just fine” but in the dating world in 2020 “just fine” is just about every other dude, above the stalker and the serial killer. So, along comes my coworker who has also witnessed the glass door get shattered by the wind. What he did with the customers and women that asked him about the door made my “just fine” interaction seem as dull as a guy telling a joke in another language you’ve never even heard of. And this isn’t about looks or body type either, I thought I was more attractive in every way possible. Sorry, to make the long story short, he told the customers that a group of angry dwarfs had come and shattered the door out of anger because they didn’t like his product. WHAT? That was obviously a lie, and he know it, the customers knew, it…. Heck I knew it. But did I stand to correct him and kill the moment? NO! That would have been like the foreign comedian pulling a gun at me for not laughing at his foreign joke. I stood there, watched the magic, and learned. People are not looking for people that can give them cold facts, that’s what work is for, never mind my second amendment comedian friend. They want to have a laugh, they want to receive and be addicted to something. They do not want to give, unless it means they get more of the angry dwarfs story. Women are no different, so whatever you need from them, do not ask for your “needs” on your opening lines on Tinder.
So about finding DTK women. Open your message with a story, a dilemma, a question. Something that sparks their interest, like the angry dwarf gang story. This will prompt them to reply and since they’re bringing their own thoughts to the mix and not their latest Instagram photo (where they already know they look damn fine), they may actually feel self-conscious and even try to give a good answer. Don’t be afraid of criticize their response but not too overly that they will block you. Take the conversation to another story. How about the time that your ex kneed you in the balls for breaking up with her? When she hit you, was she your girlfriend or ex assuming you broke up with her because of the kick. Most girls will laugh in sympathy but will go along with the story. Ask them if they’ve ever done it. Then take the conversation elsewhere, you just shared a whole lot, now it’s their turn. Take them to another story, away from ballbusting because too much of anything is weird and a red flag. After a few back and forward at this point they’re already familiar with you, will have shared a few “lol’s” and you can recall your ex and you can ask her if she would kick you in the balls on a dare. Remember that no one will want to give you something unless you’ve given them something first. See, now that she knows you, it’s not weird, you’re a little vulnerable and that’s cute. Not the “I NEED” you kind of vulnerable, that’s a sexual repellant. If you don’t see this you might as well stop reading the article now. At any rate, when you meet her later, in case you haven’t already done so, tell her you’re a man of your word and have her kick you in the balls. If she has some brains, and if she’s followed your stories she will get that this is something you appreciate it. Congratulations, as she wants to keep dating you, you now have a hot DTK girl! But of course, you may not want to settle just yet, so continue playing the Tinder game until you have a team of footballers aiming at your balls…. Hopefully not at the same time since most of us have only two.
Of course, I would advise you to consult your urologist before engaging in any ballbusting behavior, especially with a soccer team of girls aiming at your testicles following you around.
But, and there is always a but… don’t be a straight up liar. It’s okay to make up stories for the sake of conversation when you first meet a woman. Heck, even switch your story a bit to test what gets you most responses from what types of girls. Stories are entertainment and it’s about superficial things that can be really funny. If you’re old enough you may remember Seinfeld, a really successful comedy TV show about ‘nothing’. Don’t say you’re a rocket scientist when you’re clearly not. But find an incredible story about angry birds chasing you because they would not fly away when you walk towards them? Gold. Anyway, be safe out there!
Article submitted by James De La Cruz, California
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